Indian Chef

Is this Normal? (And Chicken Wings)

Chicken, Recipes

I have been thinking a lot about how I grew up and my view of Indian culture. My parents immigrated to South Dakota and that’s where I was born. Because they chose to raise me without a South Asian/Indian community, they used the fact that we were Indian as a reason as to why regular white people cultural norms or rules did not apply to me. As an adult, now I’m trying to figure out which parts of my childhood should be attributed to Indian cultural norms, and which parts are just plain dysfunction that could be applied to any group of people or culture.

For example, abuse is incredibly normalized in Indian culture. I had a conversation with a cousin who is my age, grew up in India and still currently lives there. I explained the type of abuse I experienced and he started laughing. He compared my experience to his growing up, and I have to say, he also experienced abuse. He continued to describe what his wife experienced AS AN ADULT in her parent’s home, and I still can’t believe her parents did that to her. He then said these words to me, “I know your parents better than you. I talk to them more than you. I feel bad for them, that you are saying these things about them. Put yourself in their shoes. They think they raised such a successful person and now you’re acting this way. I feel so bad for your mom.”

Growing up my family members would joke about things that I always found strange. They didn’t sit well. I remember my uncle telling me a story about when he was a child, his uncle paid for him to get after school tutoring from a lady that his uncle found attractive. One day, my uncle decided to play with his friends after school instead of going to his tutoring session. As he was playing, his uncle came running down the street chasing after him. My uncle, the child, knew that his uncle had discovered he had skipped his tutoring session and was about to beat his ass. My uncle scrambled up a tree to escape him. And he was so scared in that moment that he peed his pants. You guys, that’s not normal. Peeing out of fear of an adult and their type of discipline is not normal! And yet my family laughs hysterically every time my uncle tells this story about his childhood.

My grandpa used to call my grandma “stupid woman or stupid bitch,” in their Indian dialect. My family laughs about that too. They joke about his temper all the time, but I don’t find this to be funny at all. He used to call my brother “useless fellow,” every day. And my dad never stood up to him. I still feel a pit in my stomach when I think about it.

My gut tells me that all of this abuse is Indian. And it doesn’t give me a great impression of Indian culture. Are all Indian families like this? Or is it just my family? Or is this just a combination of Indian culture and a complete lack of mental health awareness. Or do other cultures normalize abuse like this too?

Anyways…we made wings on the grill for dinner two nights ago and they were delicious! As we were marinating them, I realized I could have made up an Indian marinade for them! But I didn’t have any yogurt at home. And then I thought about trying to sub coconut milk instead, but quickly put myself in check. I don’t know enough about the marinades to be substituting ingredients yet.

Here’s the recipe we used for the wings. If you don’t follow Whole Kitchen Sink on Instagram you should! Her recipes are bomb. We used a Whole30 buffalo sauce instead of Cesar or ranch dressing. We also used the grill instead of baking them. But we’ve done them in the oven too and they turn out amazing every time!

We grill chicken wings in the summer and it's an easy, quick meal.
Yum!

I also made a bowl of Marinated Onions this week. I love them and put them on some greens with every meal. This recipe is from Teri at nocrumbs left. She’s one of my all time favorite food bloggers and a must follow on Instagram. One of the things I love about her account is that she posts about her relationship with her kids. It makes me so happy to see the love she shares with them. Sometimes it makes me sad too, because I still wish I had had that type of relationship with my parents. I wonder if that longing will ever go away.

Side note, Teri always says you should salt your greens. This is the first time I salted my greens and it is a total game changer! I might actually enjoy salad at home now, haha!

Chicken wings, a green salad with marinated onions and a side of tots. The perfect summer dinner. Easy and Fast!
I mean, who doesn’t love tater tots….frozen, from a bag, and delicious.

Thanks for letting me muse about Indian culture and abuse. As I’m closing out this post I’m feeling worried I didn’t get to the food fast enough. Sorry, guys!

My Brief History in the Kitchen (And Dhal)

Indian Food, Recipes

I recently made dhal. It’s a pretty basic staple in most Indian households when it comes to Indian cuisine. As far as I know, they eat it in both North India and South India. I grew up eating it multiple times a week. And to this day, it’s one of few things I crave from childhood. I never learned to make it growing up. Mostly because I couldn’t stand to be in the kitchen with my mom. The kitchen was her domain. She always complained that I never helped her, but every time I began chopping an onion, she immediately criticized and shamed my abilities. “Can’t even chop an onion correctly, what will I do!? How will you survive? Who will marry you if you can’t cook?” Spoiler Alert: Luke married me and we eat just fine.

The practice of cooking became an incredibly triggering one. To this day, every single person in my extended family assumes I’m useless in the kitchen. My London Grandma, who we all adore, continues to ask me, “Really??? Really do you cook? Are you sure?” To which I always respond, Yes, but Luke is a really good cook too. (It’s easier to give him credit).

Anyways, back to the onions. My mom eventually taught me the basics of Indian cooking via Facetime, while she was sitting in her own kitchen and I was safely in mine. I would stop her, ask questions, take notes and flip my screen so she could check the progress of each dish.

The most important part of any Indian dish is the browning of the onions. They need to be golden brown before you start the next step. And honestly, it takes a while to get them the right color. And if you brown them too far, you can taste it. It might not ruin the dish, but the taste of burnt onions is not great. Low and Slow. That’s the secret to the onions. It’s also the secret to a lot of good cooking.

Here’s an example:

Frying onions is base for most Indian curries. You should fry them until they are golden brown, as shown in this image.
These are about right

Anyways, my mom always used a pressure cooker when cooking lentils, but I live in 2019, so I use an Instant Pot. Here’s the recipe. It’s the easiest Indian dish anyone can make.

  • 1 cup lentils (toor or yellow dhal).
  • 2.5 cups water
  • One handful of cilantro, chopped onions and tomatoes
  • Some oil
  • One scoop of chilli powder. One smaller scoop of tumeric.
  • Half a green chilli (I use Serrano. You should probably de-seed it, but if you want a little kick, keep some of the seeds in there).
  • You can toast the lentils on the saute setting first, until your kitchen starts to smell like lentils. Don’t burn them or let them get too dark!
  • Then add the rest of the ingredients
  • Cook on high pressure (no venting) for 30 minutes.
  • PS: Weirded out by the vagueness of the instructions? Welcome to Indian cooking. This is how Indian women pass down recipes from generation to generation. So this is literally what I wrote down as my mom instructed me. I have become surprisingly good at eyeballing measurements.

Now for the Bagaar. Bagaaring the dhal is not exactly necessary. However, I think the word Bagaar literally translates to, “adding the spice,” so why wouldn’t you do it?

In a separate pot, put some oil in and start frying some onions. Again, golden brown. Fun fact, the burnt picture above is from my bagaar the last time I made dhal. You know… still learning.

Once the onions are golden brown, add some whole mustard seeds, cumin seeds, curry leaves and some dried red peppers. Just tiny scoops of each. Once the seeds are popping, the bagaar is ready. (side note, wait until your dhal only has about 5-10 minutes left in the instant pot.) Once the timer goes on the instant pot and your bagaar is ready, VERY CAREFULLY take the inside pot from your instant pot and dump the contents into the bagaar. There will be splatter. Stir, stir, stir and get all of the spices mixed into the lentil mixture. Add some salt and then you’re done! Boom. Dhal.

I had videos of each each step to document the bagaar popping and the pouring of the dhal, but WordPress is making me upgrade my account to upload them. So sorry, guys. I’m cheap. But I did manage to take screen grabs of the videos.

Pouring the dhal mixture from the instant pot into the pot with the bagaar mixture can be intimidating. Pour quickly and carefully, and use an oven mitt so you don't burn your hands!
Pouring the dhal mixture into the bagaar pot. (Note the oven mitt!)
This is what dhal looks like when finished. It's delicious!
Final product! See how it’s bubbling? It’s going to be super hot after you pour it in, but will calm down quickly.

Eat dhal on top of some Basmati rice, with a side of meat or vegetable curry. Or just on its own. I particularly love a side of gongura pickle or achaar to give it some extra flavor.