I have been thinking a lot about how I grew up and my view of Indian culture. My parents immigrated to South Dakota and that’s where I was born. Because they chose to raise me without a South Asian/Indian community, they used the fact that we were Indian as a reason as to why regular white people cultural norms or rules did not apply to me. As an adult, now I’m trying to figure out which parts of my childhood should be attributed to Indian cultural norms, and which parts are just plain dysfunction that could be applied to any group of people or culture.

For example, abuse is incredibly normalized in Indian culture. I had a conversation with a cousin who is my age, grew up in India and still currently lives there. I explained the type of abuse I experienced and he started laughing. He compared my experience to his growing up, and I have to say, he also experienced abuse. He continued to describe what his wife experienced AS AN ADULT in her parent’s home, and I still can’t believe her parents did that to her. He then said these words to me, “I know your parents better than you. I talk to them more than you. I feel bad for them, that you are saying these things about them. Put yourself in their shoes. They think they raised such a successful person and now you’re acting this way. I feel so bad for your mom.”

Growing up my family members would joke about things that I always found strange. They didn’t sit well. I remember my uncle telling me a story about when he was a child, his uncle paid for him to get after school tutoring from a lady that his uncle found attractive. One day, my uncle decided to play with his friends after school instead of going to his tutoring session. As he was playing, his uncle came running down the street chasing after him. My uncle, the child, knew that his uncle had discovered he had skipped his tutoring session and was about to beat his ass. My uncle scrambled up a tree to escape him. And he was so scared in that moment that he peed his pants. You guys, that’s not normal. Peeing out of fear of an adult and their type of discipline is not normal! And yet my family laughs hysterically every time my uncle tells this story about his childhood.

My grandpa used to call my grandma “stupid woman or stupid bitch,” in their Indian dialect. My family laughs about that too. They joke about his temper all the time, but I don’t find this to be funny at all. He used to call my brother “useless fellow,” every day. And my dad never stood up to him. I still feel a pit in my stomach when I think about it.

My gut tells me that all of this abuse is Indian. And it doesn’t give me a great impression of Indian culture. Are all Indian families like this? Or is it just my family? Or is this just a combination of Indian culture and a complete lack of mental health awareness. Or do other cultures normalize abuse like this too?

Anyways…we made wings on the grill for dinner two nights ago and they were delicious! As we were marinating them, I realized I could have made up an Indian marinade for them! But I didn’t have any yogurt at home. And then I thought about trying to sub coconut milk instead, but quickly put myself in check. I don’t know enough about the marinades to be substituting ingredients yet.

Here’s the recipe we used for the wings. If you don’t follow Whole Kitchen Sink on Instagram you should! Her recipes are bomb. We used a Whole30 buffalo sauce instead of Cesar or ranch dressing. We also used the grill instead of baking them. But we’ve done them in the oven too and they turn out amazing every time!

I also made a bowl of Marinated Onions this week. I love them and put them on some greens with every meal. This recipe is from Teri at nocrumbs left. She’s one of my all time favorite food bloggers and a must follow on Instagram. One of the things I love about her account is that she posts about her relationship with her kids. It makes me so happy to see the love she shares with them. Sometimes it makes me sad too, because I still wish I had had that type of relationship with my parents. I wonder if that longing will ever go away.

Side note, Teri always says you should salt your greens. This is the first time I salted my greens and it is a total game changer! I might actually enjoy salad at home now, haha!

Thanks for letting me muse about Indian culture and abuse. As I’m closing out this post I’m feeling worried I didn’t get to the food fast enough. Sorry, guys!